Exhausted!!!

So...yesterday I admitted something to my best friend Regina something that I really hate to admit.  I'm exhausted.  I just feel REALLY guilty saying it.  As I type, I'm looking at my husband who has finally gotten a much needed opportunity to crash on the sofa. He works soooooooooooooooooooooo hard.  Good...no great, right?? Well, yes and no.  Sometimes it just really leaves me feeling inadequate and guilty for not doing my part.  He's been working non-stop even putting in overtime, taking care of the girls when I'm at work, still manages to clean, do laundry, and today he prepared a full course yummy meal.   Oh and he still managed to workout. Whew!...the mere thought exhausts me.  Me?  This weekend, I was too exhausted to do anything and during my work week, forget about it.  I honestly don't know how he does it.  The hours just don't add up.

I too would love to be able do it all, but I can't.  Ugh!  I hate admitting that I out loud/in print because I do honestly have a desire to...it just doesn't happen.  In fact the parts that I generally do hold down have gone wayward.  It's been really bad for the last week or so.   I went out of town a couple of weeks ago and have yet to catch up.  I'm ready to go to bed as soon as I get home from work, but when I go to bed, I find myself constantly waking up and looking at the clock.   My mind is CONSTANTLY busy. This coupled with the fact that the girls are at a demanding stage has just worn me down (this "stage" includes constant fights, jumping in and out of their beds, emptying body wash all over the bathroom floor, running me all over the church - resulting in a wipeout -yes, by me...ok...don't get me started...not tonight anyway).  At least I think that's what it is.

Is it awful that reading this Pioneer Woman post made me feel somewhat better. Because like KT, I often wonder how in the world she does it ALL.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which begins the 40+day journey to Easter and marks the beginning of Lent.  "Lent" comes from a word meaning simply "spring". It's about God's call to restore us, make us new.  I begin this season somewhat fragmented and look forward to something new and refreshed in the season.  Exhaustion is just not for me so here I am with an open heart, prepared to make more room amongst this chaos of life for God.

aspire photo challenge - black & white / secret keeper girl

Hannah has a new photo challenge posted.  The theme is Black and White. 

Click on the button here to see others.  Lots of great images!  I'd love to see your play :) 
Black and white photography is especially great for story-telling and for images that reflect emotion.

Here I have captured MacKenzie. I think she looks stunning. In this image, I see her innermost natural beauty. Not perfection by the world's standards, but true God given beauty - the only standard that truly matters.

MacKenzie and I enjoyed a Mother-Daughter night out on Saturday and attended the Secret Keeper Girl Pajama Party Tour which made a stop in Tulsa. It was all about modesty, fashion, and beauty and was a just a perfect event for moms and tweens in today's culture. At one point during the show, they asked the girls to reflect on any physical insecurities that they had so that they could take those insecurities to God  and we could pray over them.  MacKenzie said that she couldn't think of anything so she prayed about her "big feet".  She said that was all that she could come up with.  My first thoughts were "oh no!" I've made her feel bad about her feet, and while I will genuinely be more conscious of this regarding any comments I make about her feet, I feel so blessed that she actually struggled with something to come up with.  It's because I know that for her, it's not because she's vain or full of herself, in fact it is the opposite. Her outward appearance is not where her focus is.   I love this innocence and hope it never goes away for her.  Love the raw purity of being 100% content with how you are wonderfully made.  From her, I could learn a lesson...

I'm so blessed to have a little secret keeper girl - a true masterpiece created by God's hand.

A Secret Keeper Girl values modesty, she surrounds herself with wise friends and she embraces Godly beauty. She also knows that she can share all of her heart secrets with her mom at any time. The coolest thing for you to know is that a Secret Keeper Girl is a masterpiece created by God.

Complete Enjoyment

Usually on Sundays while at church I learn so much more about God, oftentimes more about myself, but this past Sunday I also  learned more about my little Nia.  The title of the sermon was "Just Ask" - a message delivered by Ethan Vanse.  In the illustration of his point that we need to move beyond asking in general to being specific in our invitations to have people join us at church he told about how he went on an awesome trip to Disneyworld with fellow church staff members and they went to a really nice restaurant with a view of the parks and super yummy food - his favorite food.  He noted that being there was magical, but he snuck away realizing that something was missing - his wife and kids.  He snuck away to call his wife and told her that as soon as he got home he wanted to schedule a trip for all of them to go. He realized that his personal enjoyment wasn't  complete because he wasn't sharing it with the people he loved most.

If you been around me lately and we got to talking about the girls, you've probably heard me say that every morning when Nia wakes up, the first thing she does is yell for "Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaa"

If I hand her a treat, she turns and looks back and yells for
"Naaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

When it's time to go and she makes it to the door first, she yells back for
"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaa"

I wouldn't describe Nia as the "sweetest" baby in the world, BUT one thing is for certain - she LOVES her Nala.  She is always looking out for her, but as I sat in service on Sunday, I realized it might be more to it.  I think right now, Nala is the person she loves the most and knows the most intimately, more than anyone else in the world.  Because of this, it is only natural that she wants to share her enjoyment with her sister. 

I sincerely hope that my girls are always close - and always find joy in sharing with one another...

Hannah's Shower

This past Saturday we had a shower for my friend Brandy.  Unexpectantly, Brandy delivered a beautiful 2 lb baby girl at 26 weeks.  Mommy and Baby are doing so well and have truly been a testament of God's blessings, favor, and grace.  I'm so proud of Brandy for the way she has handled this with such strength! 
Hannah has spent the last month in the NICU growing big and strong and today weighs over 3lbs.  We are so excited about that.  Her Aunt Hope is pretty thrilled that at 3.5 lbs she is going to get to finally get to wear some cute little outfits!!  We are all so ready for her to come home - I personally can't wait to hold her cute little self.

At her shower, she got lots of cute little things - can't wait til she can enjoy them!